my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
