I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I need moral support for this bender
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
