So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
