new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
