and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
