you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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