Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
