Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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