Kiss
Puke
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize