i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
