I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
