just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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