Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
