I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
