I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
