Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
