to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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