All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
