So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
