why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
