Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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