so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
