What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
