What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
