What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
