I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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