Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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