So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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