every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
