Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
