I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
