Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
