If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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