We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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