We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
