when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
