is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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