marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
