He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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