They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
