There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
