I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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