just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
false alarm, still single
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