I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What a dumb baby whore.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
