shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
