Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
