did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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