Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's rum buckets o'clock
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
