i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize