uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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