I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
