ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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