I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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