So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
