me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
