do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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