I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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