you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
