Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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