Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
