You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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