this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
