bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
