I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
