guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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