she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
