if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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