so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
